This stay at home mom gig was just about my children but also a little about me trying to figure out what I truly believe myself to be doing with the rest of my life. At first I thought this would just be about finding something I am passionate about and like what I do for a living. BUT man has it become so much more than that.
This shit is DEEP. It is scary somedays because I can’t even find the words for the thoughts or feelings I have as they are all short of new to me. I always told myself I had an open mind about anything that was thrown my way. I can say I was WRONG this opens your mind past limits you never even knew exist. FEELINGS you never felt to even fathom and for me someone who is basically a control freak this is absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. It is scary and mind blowing to think outside the box! I am a over thinker so once I get started it is on! But I have also learned to take it day by day and to also give myself grace. LIKE my very best says Rome was not build in a day ♥
I think people express there souls or thoughts of this process in many different forms but for me it is simply through my words. There are days when I feel like I want to give in just GO BACK to the way I was as a whole but then there is literally something tugging in me saying no. I need you and want you to do this. I fight it I tell myself I am okay with my life and how I am living I mean I am so blessed my life is great! Only getting better in my eyes, but in my heart I need the entire transformation to prepare me for the life I want.
The negative thoughts are always rolling but I have learned to notice, then stop myself dead in my tracks and say NO I am not my thoughts and I will not let them determine HOW I live my life day to day. It is not easy I literally feel like my mental is getting it’s workout on. So I will think of it as just that after the days or hours spent digging deep and asking myself questions or having conversations I MUST have a rest day! A day to give myself time to process and depose of what is not necessary for ME.
SEE and here I thought these past 7 months were going to be about creating a routine for the boys and making sure the house was under control which it is but that was my only concern. Also trying to come up with a plan to jump start my Planning Business finding a part time job I think I would enjoy & I have done all those things. And I question why am I wanting to dig deeper or figure out more and the answer is simple.
If you truly listen to your heart and clear your mind you really can feel your soul and for me NOW it is still scary because mine feels empty so I am going to start feeding it with LOVE and faith and pure JOY and happiness. NOT what I thought would fuel me before that to me was something I also needed to accept. The things that mattered before do not. The things that move me move me differently, I’m moving differently and at times I don’t even recognize myself but to me that’s my heart and soul leading the way. Not my ego not an idea in my head I thought should be something just simply being ♥
I was trying to seperate myself from my soul when my soul is apart of me. What makes me, ME! So with this my purpose my gifts to you and sharing all things I’m passionate about … Here now today this phase of my life is to bring awareness to others share my journey to hopefully help others….. You learn by doing but also by teaching … My life has simply just begun. Me as a Mom and a housewive, My next step into the educators world. But also to bring people together, Hence my Planning Business! It is so much to it then what others may think but that is why I am here to let the importance of it show.
At first I THOUGHT having so much control would make me a great planner but it is the opposite now the calmness and confidence will be the power to my business. Letting others know I have their best interest at heart for a meaningful event significant to them.
This growth thing has its PROS! But I still have so much to learn but I won’t let that stop me dead in my tracks or stop living. I use to think having myself figured out was the only way to move forward and feel PUT TOGETHER but no one is perfect no one has all the answers or what being all the way put together is all about. It is just something you must ask within yourself what is important to you and how your life looks not how you think it should…
Peace LOVE & Happiness – Almost that part♥