Has it been awhile or what. I almost thought I wouldn’t have anything EVER to write about again. As this year is coming to an end. So is the 29th chapter of my life… I looked ahead too see if I knew what it was going to be like if all my dreams and prayers would be answered according to my PLAN for my life. All I could see was fear, doubt, defeat & anxiety. I feel conflicted at times when I’m told to have complete faith in Gods plan because whether I like it or not he will make sure it is sought out … But also I want to be BEST version of me which she is on top of things, & we are talking plans for days right..
No hick ups financially, emotionally or spiritually. – But of course we live in a world who is always telling us we need to be prepared you can never be too prepared. Understanding this and living it is HARD SO HARD for me. I’m such a literal person – Blessing & a pain in my own butt.
I move forward just to take a few steps backwards because I don’t want to get ahead of myself & also I do not WANT TO GET AHEAD OF GOD. How can I follow exactly where he wants me to be if I keep trying to get in front of him.
I’m still learning & I’m sure like most the hard way. Finding myself flat on my face or hiding from the world because I’m trying everything in my power to take it on by myself. Also on my terms!!
I know even though when I seem to be taking on so much it isn’t all for nothing. God hasn’t planted all these seeds in me for nothing.. He is making sure I am doing HIS WORK! It is by far the most hardest yet fulfilling my life has become. Small simple task bring on such accomplishment and just the undertaking of it is in itself completes me! It isn’t even that of a feeling but a true awakening of the soul and spirit to that of this world! I’m not just the mom or the teacher or friend. I’m a woman of God. My heart fully belongs to a father who loves me and wants me to live out my days here on earth breathing, clothed , loved, filled with peace and comfort. It is an honor I’m most thankful for.
In all those promises did he ever say it was going to be easy & if easy is what I want I can go back to my ways that only truly benefit me. Some might ask well what’s so wrong with that? Well when you come to end of yourself let’s talk about it.
So for now although I started my planning business. Just when I thought I was getting back to my “new career” .. Getting the hang of this mom thing. My work I’ve been called to for hasn’t even truly begun … I have new & old shenanigans on my heart and as much as I would absolutely love love love for them all to just go away. So I can focus on getting my NEW business off the ground and Finally the career I thought I was made for – OP here he comes to shake things along … Wake me up some more why don’t you father. I’ve rested I know. BUT not for too long now. This is not to say none of the above won’t happen in my favor.
I give & surrender fully to him! He has made life beautiful even in the mist of many many storms. He has made miracles come to life. I can’t beat that I can’t make that happen all on my own. I need him just as he needs me to go do his work … I want him to continue to bless me beyond my imagination. Day in and day out filling me up in Jesus name!! That fear anxiety, doubt that is me trying to do it all on my own. But I am not alone … I have to have faith and trust he knows exactly when and where I am going. I’ve been praying he’s been listening to my heart & my tears. Now I must not lean on myself but all on him & listen with my heart , my ears and see that of him all around. He will answer but will I be open and aware to receive is question I need to ask myself. Does it look how I want or how he plans it to be. —- I won’t constantly feel like I’m contradicting myself if I lean in Fully and commit to him …
If your looking for motivation & just can’t seem to find it.. Your looking in all the wrong places. 💛
On that note Jesus is my self care & my motivation that is all I personally will ever need, not afraid to admit it.